Beliefs that Blame the Survivor 2025.

Myth: The victim was asking for it based on what she was wearing. The use of this in court might be subtle. You might hear the defence barrister draw the jury’s attention to what the victim was wearing, for example. Or suggest that what the victim was wearing was inappropriate without specifically saying so.	Reality: Clothing is never an invitation for sex. The responsibility always lies with the person who chooses to violate consent. What someone chooses to wear has no bearing on whether or not they are choosing to have sex.
Myth: If the victim didn’t want to have sex, she shouldn’t have been drinking or taking drugs.	Reality: Intoxication does not equal consent. Being under the influence makes a person more vulnerable, not more responsible. Choosing to drink or take drugs is not the same thing as choosing to have sex.
Myth: The victim shouldn’t have gone out alone at night, she put herself in danger.	Reality: Everyone has the right to move freely without fear of assault. Suggesting that women should restrict their freedom of movement is a way of blaming them for what happened, instead of allocating responsibility where it belongs, with the rapist.
Myth: The survivor ‘led the attacker on’ or sent ‘mixed signals’. If the survivor was flirting earlier she can’t then say ‘no’ later.	Reality: Consent must be clear, enthusiastic, and ongoing. It can be withdrawn at any time. ‘Mixed signals’ are not the same thing as consent, and are never a justification for ignoring someone’s boundaries. Agreeing to have fun with someone or flirting with someone is not the same thing as agreeing to have sex with that person.
Myth: The victim didn’t fight back hard enough, so it must not have been rape – a victim can prevent rape if she really wants to.	Reality: People respond differently to being afraid. Many survivors freeze, shut down, or comply with the aggressor out of fear. Consenting to sex is a positive action: being unable to fight back is not at all the same thing as consenting to sex. Especially in an ongoing abusive relationship, survivors know what will happen to them if they do not submit – ‘fighting back’ feels, and is, pointless (and might be dangerous for them or their children). Submission is not consent.
Myth: The victim had sex with the defendant before, so the defendant probably reasonably thought that they were consenting this time.	Reality: You do not consent ‘in general’ to sex, the act of consent is specific to every sexual encounter, and is required every time, especially within an ongoing sexual relationship. Particularly in an ongoing abusive relationship, the person accused of raping would know that the victim was afraid. Submission is not consent.
Myth: The victim shouldn’t have gone to the defendant’s room or invited him over. The use of this in court might be subtle. The defence barrister, for example, might invite the jury to consider why the survivor went to the defendant’s room. Or why she invited him into her home.)	Reality: Going to someone’s room or going to someone’s home does not mean the person inviting you wants to have sex with you. Or, is agreeing to have sex with you.

Beliefs that Cast Doubt on Allegations

Myth: Women often lie about being raped for revenge, to get attention, or because they regret having sex.	Reality: False accusations are extremely rare. Reporting is an extremely stressful, uncomfortable and difficult process: most survivors never report at all due to fear and stigma. If the survivor and the defendant are or were in a relationship, then reporting can be extremely dangerous (for the survivor).
Myth: If the victim was really raped, she would have reported it immediately.	Reality: Many survivors delay reporting because they feel ashamed, afraid, or don’t believe they’ll be taken seriously. Reporting is extremely difficult, and survivors often need time and space before they are ready to take this step. Additionally, finding the space to report can be difficult and dangerous if the survivor is yet to escape from an abusive relationship with the perpetrator.
Myth: There wasn’t any physical injury, the victim didn’t ‘fight back’ so it must not have been rape.	Reality: Most rapes do not result in visible injury or internal injury. This is for many reasons: many survivors freeze, shut down, or comply out of fear. Especially in an ongoing abusive relationship, survivors know what will happen to them if they do not submit – ‘fighting back’ feels, and is, pointless (and might be dangerous for them or their children). Submission is not consent.
Myth: The victim seemed calm afterward, so it couldn’t have been traumatic.	Reality: Trauma responses vary. Some survivors may appear composed or disconnected – this could be as a result of the coping mechanisms they are using to function in the aftermath of serious trauma.
Myth: False accusations of rape are common.	Reality: Studies consistently show false reports make up a tiny fraction of cases— reporting is an extremely stressful, uncomfortable and difficult process: most survivors never report at all due to fear and stigma. If the survivor and the defendant are or were in a relationship, then reporting can be extremely dangerous (for the survivor).
Myth: If there’s no DNA evidence, then the claim of rape is not credible.	Reality: Many sexual assaults leave no physical trace, and DNA isn’t needed (or often even available) to prove lack of consent. DNA is not useful, for example, when the survivor and defendant are known to each other.
Myth: The victim didn’t scream or run, so it wasn’t really non-consensual.	Reality: Freezing is a common response to trauma. Silence or compliance under pressure does not equal consent. Especially in an ongoing abusive relationship, survivors know what will happen to them if they scream, and they might have no-where to ‘run’ to – they might have dependent children in the next door room, for example. Submission is not consent.

Beliefs that Excuse the Accused

Myth: The defendant is a good guy—he would never do that. He comes across as charming and respected/respectable.	Reality: Rapists are often known, liked, and trusted. Just because a defendant is capable of being ‘nice’ or ‘charming’ in some situations doesn’t mean the same defendant is not capable of being abusive in others. Abusive perpetrators are often charming and manipulative – it is what they do best. There is no such thing as a ‘typical’ rapist.
Myth: The defendant was drunk and didn’t know what he was doing.	Reality: Intoxication is not an excuse for committing a crime. People are still responsible for their actions when they have decided to get intoxicated. It is up to each individual to manage their own behaviour whether they have been drinking, or not.
Myth: The defendant’s career shouldn’t be ruined over one mistake.	Reality: Sexual assault is not a ‘mistake’—it’s a serious violation, that has life long consequences for the survivor who is violated. The focus should be on the harm done to the survivor, not the future of the perpetrator.
Myth: The victim didn’t clearly say no, so how was the defendant supposed to know that she was not consenting?	Reality: Consent is an affirmative action, it is not the absence of a ‘no’. What steps did the defendant take to ascertain whether or not the survivor was consenting?
Myth: It was not a rape, rather it was just a misunderstanding between two people.	Reality: A lack of consent is not a ‘misunderstanding’. What steps did the defendant take to ascertain whether or not the victim was consenting?
Myth: The defendant couldn’t control himself—it’s just how men are. Rape is only about sexual desire.	Reality: This is a harmful and untrue stereotype. Men are fully capable of self-control and respecting boundaries. Forcing another person to have sex without their consent (rape) is about power, control and violence.

Beliefs that Assume Rape Only Occurs in Certain Social Groups

Myth: Rape only happens in poor, high-crime areas.	Reality: Sexual violence occurs across all socioeconomic backgrounds and communities.
Myth: Well-educated or wealthy people don’t rape others.	Reality: Education and status do not prevent someone from choosing to commit rape.
Myth: Only certain races or ethnicities commit sexual violence.	Reality: Sexual violence exists in every racial, cultural, and ethnic group. Stereotyping distracts from the reality of widespread abuse.
Myth: Rape doesn’t happen within ‘respectable’ families or communities.	Reality: Most survivors are assaulted by people they know, including family members, colleagues, or leaders within trusted communities.
Myth: Men from ‘our community’ wouldn’t rape someone—it must be a lie.	Reality: Rape happens in all communities. Denial within communities protects perpetrators and silences survivors.
Myth: Sexual violence is only a problem in war zones or developing countries.	Reality: Rape happens globally, including in stable, high-income countries. No society is immune.

Marital and Relationship Rape Myths

Myth: ‘real rape’ is generally committed by a stranger, in a dark alley by an unknown attacker.	Reality: the vast majority of rapes are committed by someone known to the survivor – in between a third and a half of all cases the survivor and the perpetrator are in an intimate relationship.
Myth: You can’t rape your wife or your intimate partner—marriage (or living together) implies permanent consent.	Reality: Marriage and/or living together does not mean one person is permanently consenting to have sex, and it certainly does NOT override a person’s right to say no. Non-consensual sex in marriage is rape. Up to one third of reported rapes happen between people who are married or in a long term relationship. Abusive perpetrators often rape their partners – it is an act of control.
Myth: Once you’re married, or in a long term relationship sex is a duty, not a choice.	Reality: No one is obligated to have sex, especially not in marriage or a long term relationship. Forcing your partner to have sex when they don’t want to is rape, and is especially harmful due to the breach of trust it represents.
Myth: It’s a private matter between husband and wife.	Reality: Marital rape is a crime. It is as serious as, and often more serious than, other types of rape. The sentencing guidelines, for example, say that marital or relationship rape is more serious than other types of assault due to the breach of trust it represents.
Myth: Marital rape doesn’t happen in happy or religious households, or in loving relationships. If the victim is choosing to stay in that relationship/to stay living with the defendant it can’t really be rape.	Reality: Abuse can occur in any type of relationship or household, regardless of values or beliefs. How do you know the household is happy? If one person in it is alleging they have been raped, that suggests it is not ‘happy’. Women become unfortunately trapped in abusive relationships, where leaving can be difficult and dangerous. Just because a couple are together does not mean the household is ‘happy’ or the relationship is ‘loving’.
Myth: If the victim didn’t want to have sex, she should’ve said no more forcefully.	Reality: Silence, fear, or compliance under pressure (submission) does not mean consent. Consent must be enthusiastic and freely given. What steps did the person accused of rape take to see if the victim was consenting? Was the survivor frightened of the defendant and would he have known this?
Myth: They are in a loving relationship, so there must have been a misunderstanding, not real violence.	Reality: Minimising or reframing sexual violence as a ‘misunderstanding’ or ‘confusion’ dismisses the survivor’s experience and protects the abuser. Abusive perpetrators know exactly how to exploit their partner’s vulnerabilities. Forcing someone to have sex with you is not ‘confusion’ or a ‘misunderstanding’. Survivors can unfortunately become trapped in abusive relationships, just because two people are in a relationship does not mean that relationship is necessarily ‘loving’.
Myth: As they were living together/in a relationship/married the defendant would not have known that she was not consenting to sex – she didn’t say ‘no’, and they had consensual sex at other times.	Reality: Previous consent does not equal ongoing consent. It is not reasonable to belief someone is consenting on this occasion just because they have consented in the past. Consent is specific to a sexual act, not ‘general’ or ‘ongoing’. What steps did the defendant take to see if the survivor was consenting? Was the survivor frightened of the defendant, and would he have known this?