Embedded Files
Here are some common rape myths:
Most rapes are carried out by a stranger - in reality around 90% of rapes are committed by someone known to the victim.
Rape occurs late at night in dark alleyways - victims are often raped in their own home, or in the home of the perpetrator.
Women who dress in revealing clothing provoke rape - rape has nothing to do with the type of clothing a woman wears. Anyone can be a victim of rape, from babies to elderly people, including boys and men.
If someone has drunk a lot of alcohol or taken drugs they are responsible for their rape - if a person is incapacitated by drink or drugs in law they cannot consent to sex. Drinking alcohol or taking drugs is not an invitation to rape.
A genuine victim will scream and fight back - the most common reaction to rape is for a victim to freeze. Other reactions include flop, friend and flight, as well as fight. These are instinctive and automatic responses to fear.
Rape leaves visible injuries - rape does not necessarily lead to physical injuries. Rapists often use manipulation or coercion to force their victims into sex.
Rape is a crime of passion - rape is a way of gaining power and control over a victim. Most rapes are premeditated and many rapists fail to get an erection or ejaculate. Men can control their urges and choose to rape as a way of feeling powerful.
False rape accusations are common - most victims do not report their rape to the police and false reporting is very rare. A CPS report from 2013 showed that over a period of 17 months there were 5,651 rape prosecutions and only 35 prosecutions for making a false allegation of rape. Men are more likely to be raped than to be falsely accused.
If someone is not crying hysterically they can’t have been raped - there is no one reaction to rape, often victims appear flat and calm as a result of shock.
If the victim didn’t report it straight away it wasn’t rape - often victims do not report rape straight away due to feelings of shame and guilt. This is particularly true if the rapist is known to the victim.
Only gay men get raped - the sexual orientation of the victim has no bearing on rape. Rapists rape due to their need for dominance, control and power.
Hear our Trustee Dr Dominic Willmott dismantle Rape Myths:
Click on each of the myths below to reveal the reality.
Myth: The victim was asking for it based on what she was wearing. The use of this in court might be subtle. You might hear the defence barrister draw the jury’s attention to what the victim was wearing, for example. Or suggest that what the victim was wearing was inappropriate without specifically saying so.
Reality: Clothing is never an invitation for sex. The responsibility always lies with the person who chooses to violate consent. What someone chooses to wear has no bearing on whether or not they are choosing to have sex.
Myth: If the victim didn’t want to have sex, she shouldn’t have been drinking or taking drugs.
Reality: Intoxication does not equal consent. Being under the influence makes a person more vulnerable, not more responsible. Choosing to drink or take drugs is not the same thing as choosing to have sex.
Myth: The victim shouldn’t have gone out alone at night, she put herself in danger.
Reality: Everyone has the right to move freely without fear of assault. Suggesting that women should restrict their freedom of movement is a way of blaming them for what happened, instead of allocating responsibility where it belongs, with the rapist.
Myth: The survivor ‘led the attacker on’ or sent ‘mixed signals’. If the survivor was flirting earlier she can’t then say ‘no’ later.
Reality: Consent must be clear, enthusiastic, and ongoing. It can be withdrawn at any time. ‘Mixed signals’ are not the same thing as consent, and are never a justification for ignoring someone’s boundaries. Agreeing to have fun with someone or flirting with someone is not the same thing as agreeing to have sex with that person.
Myth: The victim didn’t fight back hard enough, so it must not have been rape – a victim can prevent rape if she really wants to.
Reality: People respond differently to being afraid. Many survivors freeze, shut down, or comply with the aggressor out of fear. Consenting to sex is a positive action: being unable to fight back is not at all the same thing as consenting to sex. Especially in an ongoing abusive relationship, survivors know what will happen to them if they do not submit – ‘fighting back’ feels, and is, pointless (and might be dangerous for them or their children). Submission is not consent.
Myth: The victim had sex with the defendant before, so the defendant probably reasonably thought that they were consenting this time.
Reality: You do not consent ‘in general’ to sex, the act of consent is specific to every sexual encounter, and is required every time, especially within an ongoing sexual relationship. Particularly in an ongoing abusive relationship, the person accused of raping would know that the victim was afraid. Submission is not consent.
Myth: The victim shouldn’t have gone to the defendant’s room or invited him over. The use of this in court might be subtle. The defence barrister, for example, might invite the jury to consider why the survivor went to the defendant’s room. Or why she invited him into her home.)
Reality: Going to someone’s room or going to someone’s home does not mean the person inviting you wants to have sex with you. Or, is agreeing to have sex with you.
Beliefs that Cast Doubt on Allegations
Myth: Rape only happens in poor, high-crime areas.
Reality: Sexual violence occurs across all socioeconomic backgrounds and communities.
Myth: Well-educated or wealthy people don’t rape others.
Reality: Education and status do not prevent someone from choosing to commit rape.
Myth: Only certain races or ethnicities commit sexual violence.
Reality: Sexual violence exists in every racial, cultural, and ethnic group. Stereotyping distracts from the reality of widespread abuse.
Myth: Rape doesn’t happen within ‘respectable’ families or communities.
Reality: Most survivors are assaulted by people they know, including family members, colleagues, or leaders within trusted communities.
Myth: Men from ‘our community’ wouldn’t rape someone—it must be a lie.
Reality: Rape happens in all communities. Denial within communities protects perpetrators and silences survivors.
Myth: Sexual violence is only a problem in war zones or developing countries.
Reality: Rape happens globally, including in stable, high-income countries. No society is immune.
Marital and Relationship Rape Myths
Myth: ‘real rape’ is generally committed by a stranger, in a dark alley by an unknown attacker.
Reality: the vast majority of rapes are committed by someone known to the survivor – in between a third and a half of all cases the survivor and the perpetrator are in an intimate relationship.
Myth: You can’t rape your wife or your intimate partner—marriage (or living together) implies permanent consent.
Reality: Marriage and/or living together does not mean one person is permanently consenting to have sex, and it certainly does NOT override a person’s right to say no. Non-consensual sex in marriage is rape. Up to one third of reported rapes happen between people who are married or in a long term relationship. Abusive perpetrators often rape their partners – it is an act of control.
Myth: Once you’re married, or in a long term relationship sex is a duty, not a choice.
Reality: No one is obligated to have sex, especially not in marriage or a long term relationship. Forcing your partner to have sex when they don’t want to is rape, and is especially harmful due to the breach of trust it represents.
Myth: It’s a private matter between husband and wife.
Reality: Marital rape is a crime. It is as serious as, and often more serious than, other types of rape. The sentencing guidelines, for example, say that marital or relationship rape is more serious than other types of assault due to the breach of trust it represents.
Myth: Marital rape doesn’t happen in happy or religious households, or in loving relationships. If the victim is choosing to stay in that relationship/to stay living with the defendant it can’t really be rape.
Reality: Abuse can occur in any type of relationship or household, regardless of values or beliefs. How do you know the household is happy? If one person in it is alleging they have been raped, that suggests it is not ‘happy’. Women become unfortunately trapped in abusive relationships, where leaving can be difficult and dangerous. Just because a couple are together does not mean the household is ‘happy’ or the relationship is ‘loving’.
Myth: If the victim didn’t want to have sex, she should’ve said no more forcefully.
Reality: Silence, fear, or compliance under pressure (submission) does not mean consent. Consent must be enthusiastic and freely given. What steps did the person accused of rape take to see if the victim was consenting? Was the survivor frightened of the defendant and would he have known this?
Myth: They are in a loving relationship, so there must have been a misunderstanding, not real violence.
Reality: Minimising or reframing sexual violence as a ‘misunderstanding’ or ‘confusion’ dismisses the survivor’s experience and protects the abuser. Abusive perpetrators know exactly how to exploit their partner’s vulnerabilities. Forcing someone to have sex with you is not ‘confusion’ or a ‘misunderstanding’. Survivors can unfortunately become trapped in abusive relationships, just because two people are in a relationship does not mean that relationship is necessarily ‘loving’.
Myth: As they were living together/in a relationship/married the defendant would not have known that she was not consenting to sex – she didn’t say ‘no’, and they had consensual sex at other times.
Reality: Previous consent does not equal ongoing consent. It is not reasonable to belief someone is consenting on this occasion just because they have consented in the past. Consent is specific to a sexual act, not ‘general’ or ‘ongoing’. What steps did the defendant take to see if the survivor was consenting? Was the survivor frightened of the defendant, and would he have known this?
In 1982 the BBC broadcast a documentary called ‘A Complaint of Rape’. It was part of a fly-on-the-wall series about the police in which officers were filmed aggressively questioning a woman about her allegation of rape.
It made news around the world and inspired the then British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher to question the procedure as well as the attitude of those involved. The woman was asked personal questions about her sex life, menstruation and her mental health. The officers told her directly that they didn’t believe her claim. It led individual police forces to reassess the way they investigated allegations of rape.
The film-maker Roger Graef told Witness History what it was like being in the room during the police interview.
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